Fakehustle’s NBA Regular Season Preview Part 1: The Eastern Conference

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NBA on TNT is having a double header tomorrow: Cleveland @ Boston at 8 and Portland @ LA at 10:30. I look forward to the crew's photoshop abuse on top of jokes at Chuck's expense throughout the year.

The 08-09 season starts tomorrow night people. You excited?! You know I am.

Actually now that I realize it, I’m looking forward to another frustrating season as a Nets fan…

But we’re not here for blog therapy. I’m going to take this time to give a quick rundown of my Eastern Conference rankings. Let it be known that this analysis will be mainly based on conjecture, rants, rambling, and hatin’. Aight let’s get it (c) Jay Jenkins.*

Will KG n' em Repeat?

Will KG n' 'em repeat?

1. Boston Celtics: Come on now don’t even get it twisted. The Celts will run away with the Conference again barring major injuries within their big 3. They won’t feel the loss of James Posey on D until the playoffs though.

2. Cleveland Cavaliers: Based on preseason ball alone they look more cohesive on both ends of the floor. Their defense is especially impressive inside and out. If they’re not up to their usual regular season shenanigans like previous years the James gang can definitely hold this spot down.

3. Detroit Pistons: I’d normally take this time to talk reckless about Detroit but I don’t want to look like the lil’ homey Yung Berg. The Pistons will prolly have to fight crazy for the 3rd spot with Orlando, but they’ll end up getting it in the end. I drop to third place would mean that, yes, it would be so colllld in the D at the end of the season.

I had to do it haha.

4. Orlando Magic: Dwight Howard still doesn’t have an established post game.

Dwight Howard doin' his best Throwback Shaq dunk impersonation.

Dwight Howard doing his best Shaq circa '94 impersonation.

What does it matter if he’s still ballin’? Dude gets 22 and 13 while cats with “legit post moves” aren’t seeing him for the most part. So stop hating. Their main problem will be perimeter D, which they haven’t really made strides to fix in the offseason from what I can tell.

5. Philadelphia 76ers: It pains me to make this selection because I love to hate on Philly sports teams. Iggy looks like he’s worth somethin’ and they can get by with that Brand ball into this spot. Andre Miller won’t be playing inspired ball like he did in last season’s home stretch into the playoffs. Either way they should be able to lock this spot down.

6. Toronto Raptors: Their offense will get a nice boost with the addition of JO but their D will remain suspect. They’ll atleast have some depth at the 4 and 5 with Bargnani coming off the bench.

7. Washington Wizards: They can afford to ball without Gilbert again as they proved last year. They’ll still suck on D but continue to light up the scoreboard. Of course this standing means more first round woes with the Cavs. I didn’t even notice that until I got done with my list.

8. Atlanta Hawks: They’ll be back in the playoffs this year, trust me. Josh Smith came into his own near the end of last year and is a deceptively tough defender. Not to mention he’ll dunk on your whole family. The unit will be tighter with Bibby being fully accustomed to their system. Plus Marvin Williams will still get all of his points from free throws (Don’t be mad that’s good for fantasy ball haha.)

The Assed Out List (AKA Teams that ain’t makin’ the playoffs)

9. Chicago Bulls: Derrick Rose hype aside I don’t see them coming back to the playoffs. Unless Vinny Del Negro got some tricks up his sleave that is. They’ll probably miss the playoffs by a game or so which sucks. They should invest time in next year’s off season to get size, that’s their biggest problem. Shoot if they got Elton Brand they’d be in the playoff picture easy but their front office would rather unload wild amounts of dough on Luol and Ben Gordon.

Dr. Carter's expression when a reporter asked "Do you know how to lead a team?"

Dr. Carter's response when a reporter asked, "Do you know how to lead a team?"

10. Miami Heat: I think Beasley has the best shot to be ROY in the east. He oughta start at the 4 next to Shawn Marion once he gets the NBA game down. They’ll still be out of the playoffs though due to a severe lack in D (interior and perimeter outside of Wade) and a lack of (quality) depth at the 1-2.

11. New Jersey Nets: It was dumb of them to unload RJ for a shot at Bron Bron freakin’ TWO YEARS FROM NOW. They’re in development mode which sucks for me. I still have hope but I’m a hater by nature so I can’t see ’em in the playoff picture at all.

12. Charlotte Bobcats: They still have leadership issues and an iffy offense. With that said I can see them winning more games than last year but still being out of the playoff picture.

13. Indiana Pacers: Granger is gonna get his but there won’t be much else to root for in them cornfields. Losing JO was huge and The Abuser won’t have much to pass to outside of Danny and Dunleavy. They’ll probably end up a game or two within the Nets like last year.

14. New York Knicks: Their team is more tailored towards D’Antoni ball anyway. However they’re nowhere near the same level on offense as Phoenix is. Plus you got all those leadership issues and habitual unmotivated play to deal with.

15. Milwaukee Bucks:They got a legit swingman in RJ.

FUCK WHAT COACH SAID I'M NOT PASSIN' TO YALL!!!

Michael Redd: FUCK WHAT COACH SAID I'M NOT PASSIN'!!!

However they lost Mo Williams in a money deal that made them worse overall (you can’t sit here and tell me Damon Jones is an improvement over Mo Betta.)

They’ll keep losing and Michael Redd still won’t pass the ball. Then again when you can shoot like dude and you see what you’re working with outside of RJ why would you?

Tomorrow I’ll breakdown the Western Conference like a freakin’ loser.

*Are you happy now Joe?

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2 Responses to “Fakehustle’s NBA Regular Season Preview Part 1: The Eastern Conference”


  1. 1 Fam Julz October 30, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    Pretty thoughtful analysis of the Eastern Conference. I have to respectfully disagree with you that the Boston Celtics will be back on top in the east. Cavs in all likelihood should dominate once they get their chemistry in order.

    As far as your comment about the New York Knicks goes, I agree with you that the D’Antoni system suits the core group of players. However, I think Crawford is ready to take the leadership role on the team and the “greedy” offense suits the greedy players so they will be motivated.

    The Wizards looked terrible. I can’t see them flying under the radar this season. They are just inept.

    The Nets have good defense, and we know defense prevails. They will be a capable team this season.


  1. 1 Fakehustle’s Regular Season Preview Part 2: The Western Conference « Trackback on October 28, 2008 at 5:26 pm

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